Does your passion for gardening sometimes drive you insane?  

—-or maybe it is a release for pent up frustrations?

I can honestly say it is a bit of both for me and yet, there is also a deep seated compulsion to surround myself with healthy, living plants.  I want to breathe the petrichor as water liberates the scent from hot, dry earth.  I love to just in the garden and take in the scents of roses and lavender,  watch the mad dance of bumblebees scavenging apple blossoms or russian sage or listen to sparrows feed their young in nests hidden among the ivy.

Recently I’ve begun writing a series of articles which you can access through the Amazon Vella series.   It is written in an Erma Bombeck style of humor with crazy observations related to gardening.  As I say in the introduction:

Some people plant a few flowers. Some grow veggies in summer. Maybe they have a little spider plant or bamboo in the office.

I am not exactly one of those people. My philodendron extends from one pot on a shelf across three walls in my dining room. The Maple sapling in my front yard cries when temperatures top 100 degrees. Starbucks baristas across the city save coffee grounds for me. Plant catalogs choke my mailbox and, yes, this 67 year old Master Gardener owns a tractor.

My book “The Crazy Mad Gardener” will be coming out in late 2023.   Some advanced reviews by other gardeners are below:

♠♥♠♥♠

Comments from readers of the Crazy Mad Gardener :

From Fil Chavez, author of “Unused Towels”

MAD MAD MAD . . . with lots of really good advice! 

I am not a serious gardener, I am more of a “Well, I tried but …”  Nonetheless, this is indeed CRAZY MAD HUMOR … i.e., “squash bugs …. Horniest critters in the insect world … Live in a constant state of post-coital euphoria … take a cold bath.”

All that on just the first page … and it gets better!  Well, not ‘better’ since these first thoughts are truly uniquely MAD!  It continues in a very enjoyable manner.  Oh, yes, lots of good advice as well.  I can hardly wait til next spring … maybe then, I would be able to say, “I am a serious gardener.”  

In the meantime, I gotta check out the composting guidance.  Lots of other good advice; wish to read this again.  It will definitely be worth getting the book.  Thanks, Rose!

◊◊◊◊◊

Parris Afton Bonds , Internationally Published Romance Author          

THE THRILL OF IT ALL ~ EVEN THE MANURE

Rose Marie Kern entertains with humor the agony and ecstasy of her gardening experience. Whether you are a gardening afficionado or not, you will enjoy her foray into her passion for gardening

◊◊◊◊◊

Dale Garrat      A fun romp through an offbeat approach to gardening

An informative and entertaining read. Rose really thinks outside the box working on her (pretty extensive) garden. I love her high-imagination and low-effort approach to eliminating squash bugs on pumpkins. “Grab a 100-foot extension cord and a shop vac and ‘whoosh’ they are all gone.”

◊◊◊◊◊

D. E. Williams       Humorous take on gardening in the High Desert

Rose Kern has a delightful way of writing that brings freshness to the technical aspects of gardening. Not being a gardener (brown thumb all the way up to the elbow), I wasn’t sure the story would fit my reading taste, but it was witty and interesting. I thoroughly enjoyed the first 3 chapters and eagerly await what follows. Thanks for sharing your skill and your humor, Ms. Kern!

◊◊◊◊◊

Michael     Hilarious yet educational take on gardening

Vicky      So much fun to read!

I’m not a gardener, and I rarely read anything about plants or gardening. However, I do greatly admire those people who can turn an ugly space into a beautiful garden. Rose is one of those, and I know this even though I haven’t seen her yard because she paints wonderful pictures with her words. I loved reading about her efforts to rid her yard of weeds; her discovery of unexpected surprises in her new property; the trials and tribulations of growing anything in the high desert. Her ability to take me right into her front yard as she creates raised beds is delightful. I’m a fan, and I can’t wait for finished book.

◊◊◊◊◊

Greetings Solar Enthusiasts,

If you wonder what my life is like down here in New Mexico and also if you have an interest in Solar Cooking, you might enjoy this youtube video featuring … me.  (Ta Da!) This was filmed in late fall of last year, but Luther did not get around to posting it until early spring.  I beg to point out that his cameras were unfortunately set at waist level…and this video in part made me realize how badly I needed to go on a diet. (I’ve lost about 27 pounds since then).

The first 26 minutes are in my front yard about solar cooking, then we take a tour of my sunroom/greenhouse.  We stroll out to where I have the solar vegetable dehydrator and at 33 minutes we are in the garden area ending up by the beehive.   I hope you enjoy the tour of my property!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzXpe1mAvlo

Rosie

www.solarranch.com

It’s a beautiful day in the desert.  Probably going to be hot…that’s a given…so you need a shade structure to set up over whatever items you plan on selling today.  Whether it be vegetables, crafts or pretty much anything, you and your customers will appreciate relief from the sun!

The 10×10 foot awnings available anywhere will provide shade.  These are generically designed to protect from a light rain as well.  Most of them have stakes to drive into the ground for stability from a light breeze, but the biggest drawback will be any moderate or greater gust of wind.  I’ve seen these shelters picked up by afternoon desert winds and tossed around like a dog with a stuffed toy.

You can mitigate the wind flow problem by using several strategies for anchoring or modifying the standard structure.  Ropes or bungees hooked to the upper corners and secured to cement bricks or 5 gallon buckets or plastic tanks of water is a good start, if you are allowed to set up next to a truck you can anchor to it as well.  Even then you’ll get some significant pulling when the wind scoops up from underneath. Even if the structure stays in place the wind can warp or damage the poles.

Another modification that significantly lessens winds ability to pull the structure.  Set it up and using a very sharp knife, make some V shaped or wave shaped slits in the fabric roof.  My daughter and I carved several different patterns into one of our structures and they work very well.  Also, in order to “hide” the modifications, we used acrylic paint to create a nice mountain picture on the outside of the roof.

The next time I set up to do some solar cooking demonstrations my structure withstood the afternoon winds significantly better than the others in the area.  While neighbors grabbed for the anchor posts frequently, the wind fluttered through and escaped through the venting.  We don’t often have to worry about heavy rain here, and the structure will still tolerate a mild rain without soaking people and items inside.

Are you a writer who wants to make money with your craft?

The first step is knowing who your real audience is.  You can find your audience by knowing your own capabilities and all the ways they touch on other people’s interests. 

SouthWest Writers is sponsoring a workshop being presented by Rose Marie Kern on Saturday: January 8, 2022, from 12:30 – 2:30 pm mountain time.  It is a Hybrid Meeting: In Person and via Zoom so anyone, anywhere,  can attend.  The cost is only $30 for the general public.

If you are searching for your audience? Rose Marie  will give you some insights into the knowledge, skills, and abilities you already have which can stimulate your creativity in writing.

This workshop will discuss:
√ What is a Niche Market?
√ Identifying your skills and abilities.
√ Marketing your niches.
√ Using your niches to create multiple streams of income.

Rose Marie Kern has written over 1,000 published articles and 5 books on the topics of aviation, gardening, sustainability, solar cooking and writing. Her wealth of experience in these areas provides her a rich basis for each one.

To Register:
Call the SWW office (505-830-6034, Monday–Thursday, 9:00 am–noon) or use the Online Registration Form. (Our online payment portal utilizes PayPal, but you’ll be given an option to pay by credit card without signing into PayPal.)

The Zoom invitation link and the password will be emailed to those who register. Please contact the class/workshop coordinator at Info@SWWriters.com for more information.

A couple months back an acquaintance who lived back east posted a video of herself with her physical fitness trainer running through some of his “special fitness techniques”.  There was a large tractor tire in the middle of a parking lot, and my friend was lifting it up and pushing it over.

Hmmm.  Turning over a tractor tire…and the area she was in was no where near a farm by the tall buildings in the background.

Doesn’t that seem silly?

When I told her I had a tractor out west here and a ranchette where she could actually do something practical while exercising she unfriended me on Facebook. Of course, she’d probably need to buy some jeans and cotton shirts instead of the bright pink and black work out clothes that probably cost more than my new goat.

I realize city folks spend all day sitting in cubicles with artificial lighting so they have to find ways of staying physically in shape to be healthy.  Like them, I was stuck in the D.C. area for two years in my job.  But I just can’t see paying money for the right to use a lot of machines – also indoors under artificial lighting – or having a private coach with “innovative” methods that look a lot like old fashioned farming.

During that time I found several state parks that needed help with keeping trails cleaned up or weeding gardens.  There was an animal rescue ranch not far away where I could help out and get to ride the horses.  I got a lot of exercise one day when the baby pigs got loose.  Of course, in winter I got the joy of shoveling snow out of my driveway, not something I do much here in New Mexico.

Every muscle group targeted in a gym is worked thoroughly by anyone who has a yard and garden.  Trimming bushes and trees works the forearms, biceps and hand muscles. Overhead swings with a pickaxe to break up clay soil is good for the abs.  Steering a loaded wheelbarrow around clamps the buttocks. Hoeing works the shoulders while shoveling dirt, piles of manure or snow is good for the calves.

The best part is that all this is done outside in the sun.  Not a lot of gardeners have vitamin D deficiency.  When you get to working on weed whacking the lawn or mulching the flower beds you lose track of time because your brain is engaged with details.  You don’t have to wear a headset while watching TV on your cell phone because running on a treadmill is incredibly boring.

Yards and gardens offer ongoing challenges and the delight of lovely flowers and fresh vegetables.

Do you like to garden or do yard work?

Recently I landscaped my front yard and in doing so purchased 80 bags of mulch, each of which contained 2 cubit foot of material.  Another 30 bags of garden soil was mixed with homemade compost for some new raised beds.

As I emptied each bag I thought to myself there really should be another use for these other than going into the recycling bin.  As it turned out I was right.  The mulch bags are about the same size as my kitchen trash can, and the smaller garden soil bags fit into the office and bedroom wastebaskets!

The trick to making good reusable trash sacks is to open the bags at the top – nick a corner and pull hard straight across, or use scissors to get an even tear. Once the first bag is empty, use it as storage for the rest of the bags.  Roll or wad them up and stuff inside.  I filled up three of the bags with the others and set them in my storage shed.

These bags are perfect to collect yard trash, and my husband uses them in his garage workshop.

The advantages of recycling have finally gotten through to most of the population, but before it is tossed in the recycle bin you might consider how daily  items could be reused first.  For example: plastic straws.  Many communities are banning local restaurants from automatically providing their customers with plastic straws because so many end up in landfills or floating in the ocean along with flimsy cheap plastic cups and lids.

A restaurant near me serves their beverages in sturdy plastic cups with strong lids and straws that frequently survive an unexpected drop on the ground.  These are the kind of cups you really want to keep around!  They used to refill these large cups for less than a dollar until Covid restrictions stopped that practice.  I have dozens squirreled away which I use at home whenever I plan to work out in the hot sun for a few hours.   They make great travel cups.

Other drink cups are just the right size to plant seeds in during February that will be set out in the garden come April.  All they need is a drainage hole.  I set them in the sunroom in big plastic boxes and usually have more than enough to share with friends and fellow gardeners.

People with medical issues are saddled with unrecyclable plastic prescription bottles in varying sizes.  The uses for them are legion!  Gardeners who collect seeds from year to year love that the amber colored plastic helps protect viability.

Many years ago I spent some time selling a product that is no longer on the market.  Put together by a company called Sacred Power, it was a small PV solar panel connected to an air pump which was designed to provide aeration in small ponds as well as de-icing for stock tanks where there is no power available to run traditional air pumps.

Although I have not actively sold these units for over 12 years, my phone number is apparently still connected to the concept on the internet and I get dozens of calls each winter, so here is some basic information about how it functions, in case you would like to get inventive.

Each morning as the sun rises the PV module sends power to the aerator pump mounted on the back of the panel.  This started up the pump which delivered air through a long, thin air hose to a unit settled on the bottom of the tank about a foot from the edge. The air is bubbled up from the bottom of the tank or pond throughout the day until the sun sets in the evening.

De-icing occurs during the winter months once the stock tank or pond freezes over. The frozen ice on the surface acts as an insulator to the water below the surface. During the daytime, unit would combine two elements to break through the ice.  The air itself pushed the ice up breaking it around the edges first, and the large bubbles released by the unit would bubble up the warmer water from the bottom of the tank melting a hole in the ice large enough for livestock or wildlife to drink from, thus eliminating the need for continual ice-breaking in the winter months.

Although no longer in production, most farmers and ranchers have the necessary skills to assemble one like it from available parts.  What you are looking for is:

• A 12 Watt solar panel prewired for DC output.
• An air pump capable of aerating a 600 gallon tank.
• A way of mounting them together on a post.
• A length of aquarium tubing to go from the pump into the water.
• A weighted box or tube where the air enters, builds up, and releases in large bubbles.

Many companies sell solar pond or stock tank aeration units which have the necessary components – except you will want to replace the end piece normally designed to release air in tiny bubbles with one that puts out bigger bubbles to mix the water.

It is also wise to locate the solar panel assembly high on the post and fasten the excess air hose to the post to lessen the chance of livestock tampering with the unit.

When actively selling, I got repeat calls from Maine to Idaho so I know it works. If you are tired of trudging out to the paddocks and fields, you might try your hand at assembling this time saver or converting a product already on the market to your needs.

Rose Kern from Solar Ranch teaches for the University of New Mexico’s Continuing Education program and other venues.  Students from all her classes are welcome to have copies of her program materials.  Click on the link below to receive a .pdf covering the information from her class on Creating Microclimates for High Desert Gardening.

Microclimates UNM 2020